Louise

Apprehensive about starting uni? Aren't we all!

Louise P 24th October 2015

Have you ever been dreaming of something for years but simultaneously, find yourself terrified when it finally approaches? 

Apprehensive about uni
When it’s on the horizon, it’s a lot more intimidating than you had imagined. 

Well I'm not terrified. That’s the wrong word. If my mum heard that she’d lock me in the house and never let me go. Apprehensive though.

Isn’t everybody apprehensive though before they start university? Even if they aren’t like me? It’s the unknown, isn’t it? 

What are your flatmates going to be like? Everybody has that thought. 

Will I keep on top of the work? Anybody who cares about their future is going to think about that, surely.

What about my budget? Most of us are in enough debt to make your head spin already and it's only first year.

My family aren’t going to be nearby anymore.

I hate to admit it but they do come in handy from time to time...

Then there's the other stuff, all of the other consequences because I have an Acquired Brain Injury.

The thing is, I’ve been dreaming of university since before being ill. I know that makes me sound like a nerd because I had meningitis when I was eleven, but I mean that I’ve wanted to leave. Leave my town and go somewhere. Start a new adventure. 

If there is one thing that will make that a more intimidating prospect than usual, it will probably be the fact that your brain doesn’t function properly when you’re tired. If you also have fatigue and therefore get tired quicker than most other people too, you might be just a little bit terrified. 

Sorry, not terrified, apprehensive.

Still, you’ve got to do it haven’t you? You’ve got to try?

Trying and failing is succeeding in trying (I definitely heard Hannah Hart say that once).

It’s true though. I don’t know about anybody else but nearly dying as a kid means I’m constantly torn between wanting to take on the world and living solely for today, and at the same time thinking about how fragile everything is. It only takes a few hours for your whole life to change forever. Being aware of that is both motivating and paralysing.

Yet here I am, about to start four years at university, so I’ve somehow balanced those feelings for the past eight and a half years. The environment is all that’s going to be new. I’ll still be as stubborn and logical as always.